Swingers Softball Recap (8/1/05)

The Swingers could not continue their hot streak on Monday night, dropping a heart breaker to office average by the score of 22-2. The loss snapped a two game win streak, and dropped the Red Devil record to 3-6. Nothing went right for the visiting team on a night that featured a 2 hour delay due to a rabies scare. A large grey dog attacked a vendor just before first pitch, and play was held during a search for the animal. Witnesses claim the dog was foaming at the mouth, and one woman asserted that Bobbi "the General" Closser was later seen stuffing the pooch into her locker in an attempt to hide it. Closser had no comment, and the rabid animal was not found.

The swingers added very little in the way of excitement on the field managing just 2 runs on 4 hits. Short Shortstop Dan Higa led the game off with a linedrive single to left field, took 3rd on a throwing error, and scored on a one out RBI single by Adam "Chuckie" Tsacoumangos. Despite playing in only 3 games, "Chuckie" is among the team leaders with 8 RBI for the season, and appears to have solidified a spot with the big club after his mid season call up from the AAA Poo Flingers of Monkey's Eyebrow, NM. Reporters had several questions for the rookie, but chief among them was how "Tsacoumangos" could be pronounced "Chuhkuhmayngus." Manager Christine Aylward had this to say. "Jarrod can't spell Jared, and Adam has 20 letters in his name. Our team is alphabetically challenged I guess." "We can't hit either," commented Erik "K" Gutierrez. Gutierrez was apparently speaking for himself after posting yet another 0-fer. The former all star has yet to record a hit in 6 at bats, although he has reached base once on an error. "We're working with the team doctors to find a way to get Erik back on steriods without the league finding out," commented Aylward.

The Swingers only other run came in the second inning. Katie Stemmler reached base on an error by the pitcher, who's dentures fell out while he attempted to field the ball. Ron Sturm then blasted a double to deep right center field that bounced up against the base of the wall, sending Stemmler to third. After Amber Moodie-Dyer's ground out failed to advance the runners, Eric "C" Ridenhour drove Stemmler home with a grounder to second base. It has been a frustrating year for Moodie-Dyer, who like "K" Gutierrez is sporting a collar for a batting average. The pair are joined by Kim Brunick and Glenna Anderson as the only members of the Swinger lineup that have yet to record a hit. "Landers" Anderson has apparently fled the country after learning of a demotion to AAA. "We tried to send her down to the minors to sort out her swing, but the next day she dissappeared." It is unclear if the Swingers will continue to pay the remaining $3 on Anderson's contract. Of the three players still on the roster, Brunick has been the most successfull, notching a .400 On-Base Percentage and scoring 2 runs.

Jason Brunick took the mound for the Swingers and quickly regretted it, allowing 12 runs, all earned, on 18 hits and 2 walks. He lasted just 2 innings of work. The outting ballooned Brunick's ERA to 11.12, up from a team leading 7.00. Eric "C" Ridenhour faired no better, pitching 2 innings of relief and also surrendering 12 runs. Defensively, the Red Devils played inconsistant defense, as evidenced by rookie Lynsey Winkler's performance at third base. With one out and a man on second in the second inning, Winkler fielded a sharp ground ball at the hot corner. She proceded to chase after the runner standing on second while short shortstop Higa yelled for a play at first base. Winkler pivoted and threw wildly, allowing a run to score. "I think she'd have done better if she had kicked it like a soccer ball," commented first baseman Ron Sturm, who despite his 6'0 frame could not handle the throw. One inning later, Winkler again made a play on hard hit grounder with the bases loaded. This time however, she threw a seed to Kristen Babb who stepped on home plate to record an out. It remains unclear if Winkler will remain with the Swingers, as AC Milan of Italy's Serie A soccer league has increased their offer to $53 million, according to reports. Winkler had no comment. Manager Christine Aylward and Short Shortstop Dan Higa also had some difficulties on the left side of the infield. Higa was unable to field a sharp ground ball after it took a nasty hop, and Aylward suffered the same fate on a ball that bounced clear over her head. "Christine should have dove," commented Higa. "That was just a weak effort." Higa has quickly developed a reputation in the clubhouse as intense and overly critical of the performance of his teammates. "I guess I'm just the only one that cares about winning," commented Higa.

The Swingers announced a bit of a scandal in a press release following the ballgame. In the release, the team disclosed the true age of second basewoman Melanie Ureta. Ureta, a Filipino by birth, apparently lied about her age when she entered the professional draft. "Lying about your age is fairly common among Cuban defectors who play in the big leagues, but this is the first case of a Filipino," commented Comissioner Bud Selig. Ureta, who is listed on the Swinger roster as a 25 year old, was revealed to be 32. "We don't care as long as she continues to play at a level that makes her a cornerstone of this team," commented Manager Aylward.

The Swingers will attempt to end the regular season on a high note next Monday night against Master Batters at 9:30pm. Good seats still remain, call the Swingers ticket office today!

- Dan Higa

Swingers season statistics.