I got married yesterday

It was a small civil ceremony on the Mohonk Preserve in upstate New York. We kicked the day off with a helicopter tour of NYC.

There are some pictures from the day here: https://photos.app.goo.gl/raCr15ksSEu6m58A8.

Best Man Speech for Chike & Rachel

This is the pre-written version of the Best Man speech that I gave at Chike & Rachel's wedding last Saturday (6/8/19).  This does not include a few minor hand-written edits that I made that morning, nor a couple of lines that I ad-libbed during the actual speech.

---

Before I start, I want to express my sincere thanks to everyone who was able to make it here today for this event.  My family and I are very happy to be able to share this day with you.

Chike

I want to start off by talking just a little bit about my dear brother Chike.  I apologize to those of you who are wanting to hear some funny stories about Chike as a kid, because I don’t really have any of those today - my memory isn’t exactly the greatest.  I will assert, though, that as the oldest brother, there definitely was a time that I could beat Chike up...I think...those days are long gone.  Or maybe it was just because I fought dirty as a kid.  Even with my hazy memory, I know that there was definitely a time when I was about 6 or 7 that I kicked Chike in the groin and made him pee blood.  Sooo...I’m hoping that he hasn’t been secretly plotting his revenge for 30 years.

But that is not to say that I ever worry about Chike hurting me.  As all of you know, he is a gentle giant.  Every time someone has realized that we were brothers, they have had nothing but the nicest things to say about Chike.  And it is all well deserved.

Growing up, I was a bit protective of both of my brothers, Chike and Nedu...in spite of a kick or two in the groin.  And I think this oldest-sibling-syndrome kept me from realizing for a long time just how remarkable a person that Chike is.  I knew he was a talented artist, but I was in denial for a long time that he could be as smart as I was when it comes to computers and technology.  But these days I am proud beyond words of how much success he has had in his career as a UX designer - already ascending to the ranks of director at (WWT) Asynchrony Labs.

On a personal level, I’m also happy with the relationship that Chike and I have.  We don’t need to say all that much to each other, but we have an understanding.  Although...there was this one time about 8 or 9 years ago when we were living together, and we both showed up to a mutual friend’s birthday party without knowing that the other person was going to be there.  Hmmm...perhaps we need to work on our communication just a little, tiny bit.

Kidding aside, I’m so happy and proud to have you, Chike, as a brother.  And I’m thankful that you have been able to step up to fill my absence since I moved to New York.  I know you’re definitely better at providing mom emotional support than I am, and I suspect perhaps also at tech support.

Rachel

There was always something about Chike and Rachel’s relationship that led me to believe that it would work.  Rachel has always been there for Chike, and the rest of us, both in good times and in bad.  The same can be said for her mom, Patricia, who has graciously hosted not just Chike, but myself and my mom at their holiday gatherings.  When my dad died, Rachel and her family showed up for every memorial event that we had.  It’s inarguable to say that Rachel comes through in the clutch.  A couple of years ago when Chike was setting up the smart thermostat in their house, he ran into some trouble with some wiring in a very tight space in their furnace.  Needless to say, Rachel put aside her bemusement with his technological antics, and came through with a slender, but quite literal, helping hand.

But, in seriousness, it’s been clear to many of us that this wedding was inevitable.  I remember, on the day of my dad’s funeral, talking with some family members from out of town who were impressed by how much support Rachel and her family had shown during that time.  I particularly remember my Uncle Ezy who made it absolutely clear that he knew that Rachel was the one for Chike.  After describing his observations, he summed it up by saying: “Chike, that woman is an Orjih.”  And I couldn’t agree more.

Toast

Finally...I want to wrap this up by proposing a toast.  But before I do that I cannot forget to express my gratitude for perhaps the most important thing about this wedding.  Chike...I want to thank you...for taking the pressure off me...to make my mom a mother-in-law and a grandmother.  Here’s to Chike and Rachel, and their beautiful babies.

I Am My Father's Son

My father died almost 2 weeks ago (on June 21).  The following is a tribute to him that I read at memorial events over the past weekend (wake-keeping and funeral).

---

I Am My Father’s Son

I am my father's son.  Too often we hear of kids who say that they never want to be like their mother or father when they grow up.  This has never been the case for me - I have always admired my dad.  This is not to say that I’ve always wanted to be exactly like him; we grew up in too different of times and environments for that to be the case.  But as I have grown older it has become increasingly apparent to me how much he has shaped my worldview and the trajectory of my life

All of my big life decisions have been made after consultation with my dad, whether he knew it or not. A friend pointed this out to me after I graduated college, and it still rings true today.  Starting with college...he came up with the list of schools that I applied to, took me to visit a few of them, and helped me decide what to major in.  He was a key part of my post-graduation plans, and helped me decide to take the job in St. Louis instead of immediately beginning graduate school.

While I was in college he and I had a couple of long discussions where he impressed upon me the importance of owning a house that I can call home.  When I began working I chose to live in my parents’ house for a few years in order to save up for my own house, as well as help my mom while my dad was in Kuwait.  It was one of the greatest joys of my life when I surprised both of my parents after contracting my house.

Pa was never one for debt if it was avoidable.  He would only spend the money that he had, even when he was making an expensive purchase like a new car.  So, of course, when it came time for me to buy a car, I had to pay in cash just like him.

Despite his many successes in life, he was not one to be extravagant or boastful.  He was simply concerned with taking care of his family and providing them the best life possible.  I have come to appreciate this more in recent years as I see the results of his sacrifices.  In the last few years he often expressed how proud he was of me and my brothers, which always filled me with great emotion.  While I’m sure he did this as well while I was younger, at the time I was naively focused on the moments of sternness.  Although effusive affection was not in his nature due to his upbringing, my mom and I would agree that by the end he had become a veritable softie in comparison to when I was a child.

As I move on to further big life decisions, I will miss having my chief advisor and role model.  My dad married my mom when he was 38 years old, so I guess that gives me 3 years to find a wife if I want to be just like him.  But when that time comes I won’t be able to call mom and dad to get advice or share the news.  It will have to be just mom.  And as much as that hurts, it will be alright because I have the best mom in the world.  And one last thing that my dad and I shared is a great love for her.